tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19340334362588761.post8705512542243800440..comments2021-10-26T03:21:18.011-07:00Comments on The Non-Adventures Of...: The Empathy MythAconitum-Napellushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14254131650339669501noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19340334362588761.post-43258840933024144222017-09-28T14:17:29.759-07:002017-09-28T14:17:29.759-07:00Often the person with the problem wants neither a ...Often the person with the problem wants neither a superficial platitude nor a solution to their problem. All they want is for someone to just listen to them and validate their feelings. You can just say something like, "I can see that you are struggling with a really difficult problem right now." Or, "It can be annoying when things don't work out as you planned." Or, "I know you'll be glad when your exams are over." A woman I know was sick and tired of her mother-in-law's constant complaining. Her usual responses--"Oh, I don't think it's that bad" or "You're lucky you don't have a broken hip like your friend"--usually just caused further complaining. Round and round they went. One day this woman was driving her mother-in-law to the dentist. The older woman began complaining about all the trouble she'd had all her life with her teeth. This time my friend did something different. She said, "I can see you're worried about your appointment today." Silence from the back seat. She looked in the rearview mirror. Her mother-in-law was actually beaming. It's worth a try. <br />Forsythiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11842925744413303224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19340334362588761.post-86366303957805224842017-09-27T12:40:21.989-07:002017-09-27T12:40:21.989-07:00I agree with you so much about the problem solving...I agree with you so much about the problem solving mode. I get so frustrated sometimes online when what I just want is some reassurance, and everyone tries to solve my problem, but when someone else has a problem I just want to fix it for them.Aconitum-Napellushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02132750527925948980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19340334362588761.post-76142001012463402572017-09-27T08:03:31.558-07:002017-09-27T08:03:31.558-07:00I agree with much of what you have written. Person...I agree with much of what you have written. Personally, I only feel emotionally overwhelmed or frozen with the larger issues. I am very passionate about a lot of social justice issues, but sometimes, it can be too much and I have to take a media break to reset myself because I feel almost like I am drowning iI feel great empathy, but I feel like I am drowning in all of the emotional reactions I have to how poorly others are treated.<br /><br />On an individual level -I believe I don't always express empathy in a way that neurotypical people can relate to. I think they often desire the superficial platitudes "There, there. It will all work out." I don't do that. I feel like that isn't empathy at all. It's a cheap way to get out of actually *feeling* something and *doing* something for the peyrson who is hurting. <br /><br />My logical aspie brain immediately wants to go into problem solving mode to see how I can make the situation better for the person. Not just the moment. Sometimes my focus on solving the problem instead of handing out empty words with no weight can be perceived as a lack of empathy when in fact, it is the exact opposite. I care so much that I want to make things better. <br /><br />obnursesherrihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10943930070303922706noreply@blogger.com