Thursday 3 October 2013

The Terrible Taboo of Toddler Nudity

A while ago we got into trouble on facebook – and when I say 'we' I really mean 'I,' careless mother that I am. It seems that Ben (then almost 3) was being too naked in the schoolyard, and a handful of people in the school facebook group were concerned about this.

'Children At Play' by abcdz2000 (License)
There were a variety of problems with his nakedness. It was 'embarrassing' for some of the parents (they were forced to exchange glances and mutterings.) One wonders if they dressed and tended their own children through a veil.

He was also at risk of injury. Penis accidents, I've heard, are rife in countries where little children are routinely unclothed. (Actually, I've never heard any such thing. I made that up.) I suppose its conceivable that his genitals could get trapped between two pieces of some of the wooden play equipment, but I'd hate to calculate the odds.

Worst, of course, was the threat of paedophiles, because everyone knows about paedophiles now and we all know that being aware and afraid of something makes it far more likely to happen. It's like fear of crime. The more aware you are of your vulnerability to burglary, the more likely you are to be burgled. (Actually, I made that up too.)

'I See An Angel' by Shari (License)
Of course I made the mistake of responding to the horrified comments about a child in only a t-shirt, where people could 'see everything,' and things turned into a heated debate. Thankfully most people saw nothing wrong in toddler nudity, but a few people continued to be disgusted.

These memories came back to me yesterday, when, on coming out of school, Ben decided to pee through his clothes. I say decided, but he probably just forgot that he's a big boy now and was wearing pants. What do you do when this happens and you have no other clothes on hand? Luckily it was warm, so I stripped off everything from the waist down, rolled it up and put it in a bag, and let him run around naked.

Later he decided to take his t-shirt off too, and was running around totally nude and obviously very happy with the condition. He was dancing a lot, chasing older schoolboys and revelling in their freaked out reaction. I was watching with amusement, but after my experience before the summer holidays it also made me nervous, and it's a very sad thing to have to be nervous in the face of your child's nakedness.

'IMG_4957' by pixydust8605 (License)
What's wrong with a culture where children are taught that nudity is disgusting and embarrassing? Where 'I can see his willy!' is an exclamation of shock and revulsion? What happens to these children when they get older and their bodies start to change, and they have a childhood of shame to teach them how to go forward into life? I worry about children who are taught that there's a paedophile lurking in every corner and that being comfortable with their bodies will open them to attack. My three boys have spent a lot of their childhood naked and totally happy, but exposure to peers and parents at school is teaching them that this is wrong.

Most of all I worry about the sexualisation of infants and young children. My detractors couldn't see the is sexualisation. They are looking at my beautiful, innocent child and thinking only of sex – and that is wrong. It's almost impossible to guard your school aged children from closed minds and senseless taboos. I hope I can guide them through the minefield safely, without them losing their freedom to be comfortable in their own bodies.
correlation, but to me to have another parent looking at my child and seeing their nudity as shocking and a possibly lure for paedophiles

32 comments:

  1. I couldn't agree more! I was recently reported to social services for allowing my two year old daughter to run around the garden and surrounding street naked. Luckily my health visitor (who did the home visit instead of social services) couldn't see what the problem was and the issue was dropped. But it deeply upset me. What is wrong with people?! She's two for crying out loud!

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    1. We've had similar issues with people reporting us to the doctor's and health visitor for similar things, and I've written a post on that. Like you, we're lucky to have a health visitor who is reasonably sensible. But it's still upsetting, isn't it? People love to project their own problems onto you.

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    2. How is it bad to have a child run around naked? It's how I teach them about peeing on the potty. I would never have gotten my older two out of diapers if they weren't naked the majority of the time. And what about hot summer days...no one wants to wear clothing. The world is confusing.

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    3. I wouldn't know how to potty-train without them being naked. When my 3-yr-old is in trousers he just pees straight through them. I never keep him clothed from the waist down in the house. Even my eight year old isn't keen on trousers in the house, although he usually wears pants!

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    4. My daughter is five and still likes to run around naked. She gets home from school and off come the clothes. I've never had a problem with it, society has gone mad!

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  2. THIS, absolutely. Even my husband is weirdly obsessed with keeping our son clothed, despite the fact that he has an entire album full of his own childhood nudity, including many photos where he is the only one naked among lots of company. Your last paragraph really says it all - That it's even something we think of as sexual is so WRONG.

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    1. If only we could normalise children being naked, people would stop having issues with it. It's such a shame that our children are viewed in this way.

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  3. I just wrote about nearly the same thing. Your post was shared with me by a friend who is equally appalled by the rape culture apologists on a thread taking place here: https://www.facebook.com/wtenaturally/posts/183317781853991 after I posted my post. It is unreal.

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    1. Wow. I just read that article. I love this quote - 'I got news for you sexually repressed coward, he has a penis. No matter what picture you see of him, he always has a penis. Unless he chooses to make it otherwise as an adult, he's always going to have a penis.' What a ridiculous thing for people to get upset over a photo that definitely doesn't show anything! I daresay even the person who objected to the photo has some kind of genitalia, although they may not have ever allowed themselves to look at them. And do these people think that paedophiles get off less on the little girls with knee-high socks and a three inch gap between those and their skirts? Or the ones doing cartwheels and offering just a flash of white panties? Or the innocent little boys in shorts and boots? I think I must be lucky in my facebook friends, because despite posting (privately) a handful of naked pictures of my children and (shock) one of my short-lived breastfeeding attempt, I've never been reported. On the other hand a myriad of posts I've reported suggesting all Muslims should be killed and suchlike have never been deemed to offend facebook's policy on racial hatred.

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  4. We're nudists around my house :) When we go to the beach and I've forgotten my 3 1/2 year old's swimmers, I tell her, 'Just go in your undies'... but, before I can stop her, she's streaking down the beach naked!

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    1. I wonder sometimes what's the point of little children having swimming costumes - especially when you see little girls in bikinis or full costumes. What are they covering up?

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    2. I find little tiny bikinis on infants and young girls worse than just being naked. THAT seems very sexualized to me. but to each their own.

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  5. I am an American living in Denmark. Here, children are left out on the beach unclothed, or in yards with out a stitch on. Also, whenever you go to a swim hall, you must take all of your clothes off to change and shower-this means children of all ages and both sexes seeing all other children, and adults completely naked. Children are allowed into the showers of the opposite sex until they are 7 years old-meaning that boys as old as 7 can see naked women and girls, and naked girls as old as 7 can also see men of all ages naked. No one cares. Almost all beaches are topless, and the beach near us has part of it as a nude beach-an area which is completely open to the families who are there-they are just on one side of the beach and everyone else is only a few meters away,with children. Nudity here is much more open than in the US. Even "nudie" magazines are sold in full view of children. Because of this, people seem to be much more comfortable with their bodies and women are treated with much more respect, as equals instead of sex objects. Now that I've had the chance to see things both ways, I chose this way,it's so much healthier. There's nothing to be ashamed of,with our bodies,but American views make it so all of it is so shameful. I believe that's one of the reasons we have so many imbalanced people- people wanting to break free of this restriction,but not knowing how because they're so full of shame.

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    1. Oh, I love Denmark. I would love to take my children there - or to any European country where people aren't so up-tight about things. It's not just American views - I'm in the UK, and people are terribly uptight about things like that, and seem to love telling you how to look after your children.

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    2. I think it's wrong that children using swimming pools have to take their clothes off as it can have negative effects in some cases. An example of this is highlighted in the WordPress blog "How Being Forced To Use Communal Changing Rooms At School Affected Me".

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  6. I'm from Holland. Up to a few years ago child nudity was normal. Over the years more and more young children wear bathingsuits a.s.o to the beach, including tops for girls. I think you hit the nail on the head (as we say in Holland) when you point out that making an issue out of child nudity IS sexualisation of children, and therefore a big problem. Keeping children safe is not about keeping them clothed, but about keeping them comfortable with their own bodies, because taboos will only keep them from speeking up if anything bad happens. Not to mention the many more kids who will never experience any pedo-problem, but who will definately experience seks&nudity issues.
    By the way, I never heard of a child trapping their penis in a fence or play-apparatus, but I do know about several boys getting their penis trapped in a zipper. Trousers aren't al that protective ;-)

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    1. Yes, I forgot about the dangers of zips! Perhaps I should tell all parent who use zippers how irresponsible they're being ;-) I hope that I can keep my children safe by having a close relationship with them, being honest with them about our bodies and about what's acceptable and what isn't, so that they'll grow up being able to confide in me about any issues they have. I keep them with me and under my eye as far as is possible. I don't see clothes as the first and only defence against paedophilia.

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  7. I'm an American too but my parents were nudists and I grew up going to nudist resorts/camps. I now take my children who love running around playing and swimming naked to the same camp I grew up in. I love that I grew up accepting the naked human body as normal and natural. My husband on the other hand was raised in the typical nakedness is shameful American way. He gets upset if our toddler is naked in our back yard as someone might see him. Oh the horror hahahahahaha. I hate how prudish us Americans are.

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    1. I'm British, but nakedness always just seemed natural to me, up to a certain age. My dad was quite happy walking around nude, I think until he suddenly realised his daughters were getting older! And my mother and grandmother had never worried about being seen naked. Since having children of my own, experience all of the nudity that seems to come with giving birth, I just don't care any more who sees me naked. I still can't understand how seeing a child naked can hurt anyone!

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  8. If you see a child in a sexual light, you need to seek professional help. My children have always been allowed to go nakey. As they grow older they must be clothed in public to avoid the gasps and stares- as this would make them feel as they were doing something "wrong". At home, nudity is always allowed. If they want to be naked, then naked they are. It is society that has placed the stigma of nudity on us all. Most people think nudity they almost always think something sexual. Breastfeeding in public is a perfect example. Yes, breasts are fun sexually, but their purpose is to feed your offspring. What is sexual about a baby nursing from the breast? Nothing. But put the same breast in a swimsuit and its a sexual object. GASP! My naked 2 yr old running around our yard is not sexual. She is comfortable. Free. No embarrassment. No one here makes a big deal of it. However, my 6 yr old is now embarrassed to be seen naked in front of my mother. Why, you may ask? Because she made a big deal that he was naked- in our own home. The older children must conform to what society deems suitable. Otherwise they would suffer the stares and comments, making them feel out-of-place. I'm glad they feel free to be themselves in our home- naked or otherwise. I hope I have instilled enough self-esteem in them that they feel free to be themselves. Its a shame out society has sexualized our children, even babies and toddlers. My 2 yr old will continue to be free. My 7 month old will also have to option to be nakey or clothed. Beauty is natural. Nakedness is natural. When we start to sexualize our children for being naked, we need to re-evaluate our culture as a whole. That is a problem. Its perfect recipe for body image issues, sexual repression, sexual abuse, and a culture of shame for the naked human form.

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    1. My older children are embarrassed about being naked too, now - I think it's mostly the fault of school and peer pressure. I do sometimes have to explain to my six-year-old that he needs to wear more than just underwear out in the street, because he's learning about how to behave in the world, but I'd be happy for any of them to be naked in the house and garden. As for breast feeding - it's ridiculous how breasts have essentially been hijacked from their original function of keeping children alive and turned into nothing more than mounds of flesh that drive men wild.

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  9. Absolutely!! I second your views. It is so sad that infant/toddler nudity is frowned upon and thought of as disgusting and perverted by some, but yet some of those same people see nothing wrong with adult nudity and every form that it takes. I makes me wonder about their upbringing and how their parents perceived nudity. These kinds of views are not inborn, they are taught. Shame about our bodies is taught or created by someone who views the human form as something to be shameful of. All 5 of my children (16-5) ran around freely, after baths and sessions of playing outside in the sprinkler or pool. There was never any shame put on them. Hey also know of the boundaries that we have set for when it is apropriate and when we need to be courteous of others. As far as the "nudity spurs a pedophile to action" thought process, these types dont wait until they see naked kids running around before they act on their impulses. Clothes or no clothes, the impulse is there and no amount of fabric piled on a child is going to curb them from their tendencies.

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    1. Mine have started to set their own boundaries on when they're happy with nudity, and also, like you say, we set boundaries on when it's acceptable outside of the house. But a lot of their peers seem disgusted by seeing small children without clothes, which is so sad.

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  10. I have these same arguments with my husband. I let my 3 yo run naked a lot, some for potty training reasons because he almost never has an accident if he's naked, and it's not because I'm bugging him to go to the potty regularly. But I just don't see the big deal when he's outside that my husband does. I do try not to post any nudy pictures that show anything and keep those for the family, but I get so frustrated with all the taboos in society today.....

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    1. I think that people have got so caught up with perceived threats that they've lost touch with what's really going on :-(

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  11. Though I don't have an issue with consensual nudity, as someone who had nudity forced on me as a child which traumatised me to the point I considered suicide, I am concerned that photographs are being circulated of children online without their informed consent.

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    1. I think that there is a great difference between forced nudity and consensual nudity, you're right. I do hope that you've found a way to overcome your own problems :-)

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  12. My view on this debate is do what u like in your own house and garden>I think there is a age for children where they realy don't want to see their parents naked ,and as for child nudity I certaintly wouldn't post pictures of my child naked for all to see, you lot need to get real

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    1. I think all children are different on when they're happy with seeing nudity in other people. It probably depends on their upbringing and how up-tight their parents are.

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    2. It's you lot that are sexualising your children, you probably all freely have sex in front of them too, you sound like a bunch of bloody hippies! Let these kids decide themselves when old enough if they want their bits on display and stop inflicting your weird ways on them! If they want to be naked at home leave it there, the school playground is not the place for it, you should understand that some are embarrassed and it's nothing to do with being uptight!

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    3. "Let these kids decide themselves when old enough if they want their bits on display and stop inflicting your weird ways on them!" That pretty much sums up what the blog post is about. Thanks :-)

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    4. I totally agree with Anonymous about posting pictures and this article explains why http://theconversation.com/posting-a-childs-life-for-the-world-to-see-is-a-privacy-issue-20887 That's not to say there's anything wrong with nudity in itself and I don't think that's what Anonymous is saying either. But a young child can't give informed consent to having naked pictures of them posted on the internet for all to see.

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