How My Children Lost Their Faith

Halloween iPhone-Desk Paper by arsgrafik on deviantArt

It's that time of year again. You know. The time that you can't mention. (Shhh! Hallowe'en.)

Yes, that time. As a Pagan – a very loose Pagan, but a Pagan nonetheless – Hallowe'en has a strong place in my feelings. It's a special time of year. I feel closer to the dead and the not-yet-living and to the threats and wonders of all of those things.

Temporary Altar by Bart Everson on Flickr

But I keep hearing reports that pupils aren't allowed to talk about this in my children's school. It sounds as if some teachers allow it, while others don't. As always with children, these things are unclear. To be honest, it doesn't bother mine much. To them Hallowe'en is about sweets – America's fault, I suppose – despite the fact that I don't get sweets out on Hallowe'en. But this discrimination does bother me.

The problem is that my children attend a faith school. I know the words 'faith school' conjure up images of extreme Muslim academies teaching small children to be terrorists. At least, the tabloid papers would have it that way. But probably most Muslim/Jewish/Church of England or other religious schools are pretty much like the Church in Wales one my children go to. A good, open, friendly school with good teaching and a great learning environment.

But there are issues. Despite some small evidence that they learn about other faiths, Christianity has a very large place in their schooling. It's the only faith that I hear my children talking about in relation to school. And recently George got into trouble during prayers. They accept him not putting his hands together and not saying the words, but he was turning his back on the teacher. I explained that I could tell him that it was rude to turn his back, and he shouldn't do it, but I couldn't force him to pray.

'But this is a Church in Wales school,' I was reminded.

Ibaraki Kasugaoka Church light cross by Bergmann

'Yes, but it's the only school in the area. We have no choice but to send our children here. And forcing someone to pray makes a complete mockery of prayer,' I reminded them.

My son's teacher, a lovely woman, thankfully acknowledged this. What would I have done if she didn't?

It seems that there's not much I could do. Religious schools appear to be pretty much exempt from discrimination laws. It's a confusing subject to research (especially with a mild migraine and a Lego-obsessed three year old in the room), and the Armchair Backseatologist has done it much better here. But the National Secular Society's page states, 'Many faith schools are granted exemptions from equality laws which are meant to ensure that schools cannot discriminate against pupils because of their religion or belief.'

There's something very wrong in this. Discrimination is discrimination. Yes, some discrimination can be positive – teaching children of different abilities differently, for example. But surely it's wrong to say to a child, 'You cannot express your faith in our school.' If their argument is that they're not celebrating Hallowe'en as a part of faith, then why is it a threat? If it is a part of faith, then surely it's wrong to suppress it? I'm sure that if that faith was Judaism or Islam they wouldn't be met with this response, but Hallowe'en straddles an odd border between Paganism and Christianity, and it apparently scares the Church in Wales. Discriminating against one particular form of faith is even worse than discriminating against them all.

There's Probably No God by Dan Etherington

The result of this attitude towards faith? Oscar, 8, not only believes there is no god, but also that Jesus never existed, no matter how much evidence there is that he was a historical figure. George's thoughts are going the same way. They have been so pushed into the Christian faith that they are revolted by it. Really, is this the way we want to introduce our children to faith? My family has a wide spectrum of views including Pagan, Baha'i, Judaism, and Christian (Church of England and Church in Wales). There's probably even some Catholic somewhere in the woodwork. I would like my sons to grow up able to choose what to believe, whether that be a religion or atheism, rather than either being indoctrinated into one faith, or so sickened by it that they cannot believe in anything.

The Terrible Taboo of Toddler Nudity

A while ago we got into trouble on facebook – and when I say 'we' I really mean 'I,' careless mother that I am. It seems that Ben (then almost 3) was being too naked in the schoolyard, and a handful of people in the school facebook group were concerned about this.

'Children At Play' by abcdz2000 (License)

There were a variety of problems with his nakedness. It was 'embarrassing' for some of the parents (they were forced to exchange glances and mutterings.) One wonders if they dressed and tended their own children through a veil.

He was also at risk of injury. Penis accidents, I've heard, are rife in countries where little children are routinely unclothed. (Actually, I've never heard any such thing. I made that up.) I suppose its conceivable that his genitals could get trapped between two pieces of some of the wooden play equipment, but I'd hate to calculate the odds.

Worst, of course, was the threat of paedophiles, because everyone knows about paedophiles now and we all know that being aware and afraid of something makes it far more likely to happen. It's like fear of crime. The more aware you are of your vulnerability to burglary, the more likely you are to be burgled. (Actually, I made that up too.)

'I See An Angel' by Shari (License)

Of course I made the mistake of responding to the horrified comments about a child in only a t-shirt, where people could 'see everything,' and things turned into a heated debate. Thankfully most people saw nothing wrong in toddler nudity, but a few people continued to be disgusted.

These memories came back to me yesterday, when, on coming out of school, Ben decided to pee through his clothes. I say decided, but he probably just forgot that he's a big boy now and was wearing pants. What do you do when this happens and you have no other clothes on hand? Luckily it was warm, so I stripped off everything from the waist down, rolled it up and put it in a bag, and let him run around naked.

Later he decided to take his t-shirt off too, and was running around totally nude and obviously very happy with the condition. He was dancing a lot, chasing older schoolboys and revelling in their freaked out reaction. I was watching with amusement, but after my experience before the summer holidays it also made me nervous, and it's a very sad thing to have to be nervous in the face of your child's nakedness.

'IMG_4957' by pixydust8605 (License)

What's wrong with a culture where children are taught that nudity is disgusting and embarrassing? Where 'I can see his willy!' is an exclamation of shock and revulsion? What happens to these children when they get older and their bodies start to change, and they have a childhood of shame to teach them how to go forward into life? I worry about children who are taught that there's a paedophile lurking in every corner and that being comfortable with their bodies will open them to attack. My three boys have spent a lot of their childhood naked and totally happy, but exposure to peers and parents at school is teaching them that this is wrong.

Most of all I worry about the sexualisation of infants and young children. My detractors couldn't see the is sexualisation. They are looking at my beautiful, innocent child and thinking only of sex – and that is wrong. It's almost impossible to guard your school aged children from closed minds and senseless taboos. I hope I can guide them through the minefield safely, without them losing their freedom to be comfortable in their own bodies.
correlation, but to me to have another parent looking at my child and seeing their nudity as shocking and a possibly lure for paedophiles